Vile Foods

It would seem that anyone who has known me for more than thirty seconds knows my least favorite food: canned peas.  Of course my hatred of this concoction goes far beyond I-don’t-care-for-it and into I’d-rather-eat-the-can-they-came-in territory.

Same look, taste, and smell as rabbit poo

Last year my mom gave me some excess protein powders that she had and one of them tasted like dirt and I still had a (slightly) easier time choking it down than canned peas (it goes without saying what one of the ingredients was).

This is low hanging fruit though because lots of people hate canned peas, maybe not quite as much as myself, but still.  Why do you think that ‘veg-all’ is a fan favorite for pantry cleaning canned food drives?  Because it has been contaminated with nasty little green orbs and now just tastes like a multi-colored can of peas.  Beyond that I’m not a picky eater (unfortunately) but some acquaintances do wonder if even have any other food hang-ups.  A few come to mind:

• Canned lima beans come in second to canned peas, but they still sport much of that nasty taste because their delicate sugars have been nuked into some horrible amino acid stew by the heat of the canning process.
• Dinner dishes that have fruit in them (especially raisins which always cook up like something that comes out of my cat).  I can get past pineapple somewhat for short periods of time, kind of like if your buddy is listening country music in the car for a fifteen minute drive.  But cherries on chicken?  Raspberry gravy?  Disgusting.
• On a related note, I’ll include Indian curry dishes that have coconut milk in them (which would be most of them); nasty.  Tastes like someone was making you a piña colada and accidentally dropped a day-old, over-spiced chicken into the blender.
• For fast food the McRib is pretty nasty, but I can choke one down before remembering how bad they are.  The McDonald’s fish sandwiches though?  That’s like some hate crime against us Catholics.
• Any piece of chicken that has even the faintest feather still sticking out from the skin.  I can’t relate the number of times I’ve almost lost my cookies at a bar when I’ve been sober enough to notice this on chicken wings.  (I don’t know if that counts since it’s not even a taste/texture thing as my solution is to just not look).
• Banana ‘flavored’ stuff, such as banana fry pies, taffy, etc.  Inevitably tastes like banana juice that’s been aged in a can of WD-40.
• Those assorted ‘chocolates’ with any filling that isn’t brown colored or coconut.  You know the ones I’m talking about: those nasty, cheap chocolates full of some florescent pink or yellow colored goop.  Chocolate-fruit combos generally aren’t a big thing for me, but that stuff, well, everyone hates that stuff I guess.
• This one might surprise: tea.  Yes I drink one glass every day for (real) health reasons, but I think it’s nasty.  It’s kind of like if you were given to chew tobacco but you decided to make juice out of your slobber.  I’ve conditioned myself to drink it, but if I didn’t have to I wouldn’t, ever again.